TORONTO — Imagine a mini-soccer game with Jason Kenney as the ball.
That's what a day of ethnic outreach with Canada's so-called "minister for curry in a hurry" is like.
No matter where he goes — a prayer ceremony, a grocery store or a festival — a throng of camera-toting fans follows.
At times it feels as if the Tory with the cherubic face and uber-ambitious personality is actually Justin Bieber.
Tapped by Prime Minister Stephen Harper to court the ethnic vote, Kenney's efforts paid off in the May, 2011 election. Whether it had to do with Liberal disarray, Kenney's efforts or other factors, the Conservatives dominated key multicultural ridings in the Greater Toronto Area to knock off such once-popular Liberals as Ken Dryden and Martha Hall Findlay, finally securing their coveted majority.
Last week, Statistics Canada unveiled the latest census data that show two-thirds of population growth is currently driven by immigration. Within 20 years, newcomers will account for more than 80 per cent of population growth.
So reaching out to new Canadians will become ever more important for politicians.
While Kenney admits he's slowed down on outreach since the election and is grateful for a larger pool of Conservatives to pick up the slack, the workaholic still gets out on the voter trail, on average, three out of four weekends.
Postmedia News recently spent a jam-packed Saturday with the citizenship, immigration and multiculturalism minister — a man with a "tickle trunk" full of ethnic costumes, a mastery of no fewer than 20 foreign greetings and the moniker "Canada's next prime minister."
Here's how it went:
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It was two days before the Chinese New Year when Kenney arrived in a traditional blue-and-gold silk shirt at the Fo Guang Shan Temple in Mississauga, Ont. for a Buddhist prayer service to mark the Year of the Dragon.
He had three private meetings earlier that morning and arrived fashionably late, around 11:19 a.m.
The guest of honour was escorted to the front of the room by temple abbess Chueh Chu, who led the congregation in chanting and drumming.
"I think I'll need to take some of the peacefulness of these blessings to the House of Commons where things are not always so peaceful," Kenney quipped, after addressing the modest crowd of worshippers in Mandarin.
The move prompted an outburst of applause and surprised laughter — a typical response when the Caucasian Catholic breaks into a foreign tongue.
"We should have you come to Parliament to give us all blessings."
After inaugurating a new dragon, Kenney clapped and bopped as the mythical marionette was led in a New Year's dance. He posed for photographs, accepted at least a dozen gifts from a bouquet of leeks to a tea set, and doled out hundreds of red pockets containing season's greetings and a chocolate coin while being led through a basement bazaar at breakneck pace.
The highlight of the morning: a traditional naming ceremony aimed at standardizing Kenney's written Chinese title which, translated, means health and longevity.
"You will be the most popular Chinese name for babies in the year of the dragon," joked a journalist from one of the ethnic media organizations during an impromptu scrum that included none of the hard-hitting questions Kenney typically faces on Parliament Hill.
In exchange for a framed thank-you letter and photo of himself — this was the first of five he handed out during the day — Kenney was given a scroll bearing his Chinese name, written by a master calligrapher and a pair of ornate stamps.
It was then off to the Vietnamese Association of Toronto's Tet Festival.
He arrived at 2:25 p.m. wearing a yellow scarf with three thin red stripes, representative of the South Vietnamese flag many ex-patriots who fled the communist country still embrace.
It wasn't his only political statement during the next hour-and-a-half.
After an awkward photo op with Ontario Liberal Premier Dalton McGuinty and a chaotic round of glad-handing inside a tightly-packed VIP room, the minister joined some 20 fellow dignitaries for a drum show, dragon dance and incense offering before he addressed the crowd.
"As we celebrate our freedom and democracy in Canada during this Tet, let us not forget those who, thanks to oppression by the communist government in Vietnam, are behind bars, are harassed, arrested and who suffer persecution simply because of their belief in democracy or their religious freedoms," he said, recalling the recent conviction of two Buddhist monks for distributing antigovernment leaflets.
"We call on the Vietnamese government to release these and all other religious and political prisoners."
To applause, Kenney then plugged his government's plan to create an Office of Religious Freedom and trumpeted efforts to bring stateless Vietnamese refugees in the Philippines and Thailand to Canada.
After accepting an appreciation award from the Vietnamese community, he made for the nearest exit, skipping the speeches of his fellow dignitaries.
He hopped into his SUV, slathered on hand sanitizer and headed for an Asian mall in the heart of Toronto's vibrant Chinatown.
What happened next can only be described as pandemonium, Chinese bear pun not intended.
After observing an acrobatic dragon dance, Kenney pulled out another pile of red pockets and tossed them into the crowd as kids and adults alike pushed, shoved and knocked over chairs to get at the ministerial swag.
Under the cautious gaze of several massive undercover RCMP officers — staff anticipated things might get a little wild — the minister wove his way through the mall like a man on a mission.
Surrounded by security, he raced up and down three flights of escalators, gleefully greeting each and every person he passed while an entourage of onlookers, a pair of costume-clad dragons, a musician with a massive purple floor drum on wheels and several mind-blowing cymbal players scrambled to keep up.
Just 40 minutes later, Kenney slipped out a door onto a quiet street and headed for the Lucky Moose grocery store, now famous because owner David Chen, acquitted of assaulting and forcibly confining a shoplifter, inspired the government's citizen's arrest bill now weaving its way through Parliament.
Kenney calls Chen a "classic immigrant success story" not to mention a "super nice guy" who tired of losing $70,000 a year in merchandise to shoplifters and took matters into his own hands when he apprehended and detained a thief only to face arrest for doing so.
His story prompted new legislation aimed at defining self-defence and citizen's arrest.
Ironically, Kenney's visit to the Lucky Moose nearly prompted a produce theft when a female international student discovered who Kenney was.
Desperate for permanent residence so she could remain in the country with her Canadian boyfriend, she fled the store — groceries still in hand — to catch up to Kenney who had moved on to another shop for a photo. She quickly realized what she'd done and made a hasty return to drop off her purchases.
Kenney's final public appearance was a New Year's dinner at the Dim Sum King restaurant.
Weary from a jam-packed day — it was now 7 p.m. — Kenney made fans wait as he beelined for the bathroom on arrival, and was grateful for the regular sandwich awaiting him in the car afterwards.
Taking care not to confuse Chinese guests with Koreans — a batch of culturally sensitive white new year's pockets was prepared especially for the latter — Kenney worked the room before taking the microphone.
He touted Harper's formal apology for the Chinese head tax, the elimination of travel visas for visitors from Taiwan and the creation of a Health Canada advisory committee on Chinese medicine.
While the ever-loyal Harperite with one of the few lengthy leashes at cabinet would never admit he likes the sound of it, Toronto city Coun. Raymond Cho's parting words for the minister certainly resonated.
"Jason Kenney, Canada's next prime minister and best friend of the Asian community," Cho cheered in one final tribute to the minister before he departed.
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